Friday, June 18, 2010
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Then 7:30 am comes.
Day 1, and I walk into the kitchen to find half of a bag of cereal dumped onto the floor because the older kids become zombies the minute the TV is turned on, and the 2 year old twins become experts in demolition when they are unsupervised.
The fighting has started before I even got to the kitchen. Children fight about the most ridiculous things, anyone with kids can tell you that. The big fight at my house is over milk. Who takes it out, who puts it away. They will literally have a staredown/screaming match over whose going to get the milk. They have a long list of rules about milk responsibility. If you get your bowl first, you have to get the milk, unless someone else gets a bowl around the same time as you and puts cereal in it before you. If you use the milk first, you have to put it away. If you use the milk last you have to put it away. (As you can see, their rules change depending on who feels like doing what.) They can fight for 15 minutes about milk.
I wish I could say as my kids got older, they have become more civilized. When a child is born, you hold them in your arms and dream about making them geniuses by taking them to art museums and the symphony. Then they turn about 2 and all those dreams go straight down the toilet as you deal with temper tantrums and 14 straight hours of Dora the Explorer. And again, you dream about when they get older. "Then," you tell yourself, "I will be able to show them all the amazing things in this world."
Yeah right. I wouldn't take my kids to a restaurant that doesn't sell cheap Chinese-made toys and "almost" chicken nuggets, let alone take them somewhere that grownups have actual conversations.
So, while my summer dreams may have to be adjusted, I again tell myself the lie that maybe in a few years, when they are teenagers, I will be able to do cool stuff with them.
Dream on sister. Dream on.
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Let me first tell you about myself. I am 32, mother to 5 kids, full time student, undercover crazy person. I was probably always a little bit crazy, but 10 years of changing diapers, cleaning up vomit from hallway carpets, and knowing the theme songs to every major children's program that has come out in the last decade certainly hasn't helped matters.
At first glance, I certainly don't come off as a weirdo.
Just give me 10 minutes.
For example, within a few weeks of starting school to become an EMT, we were shoving old stereoscopes in our ears (I sanitized mine first. I have issues with people's nasty parts touching mine), trying to listen to each others lungs. I was not of the students saying things like "Oh yeah, I can TOTALLY hear that one lung has junk in it" Bunch of ass kissing fakers. You couldn't hear anything. My instructor was walking around listening to people's lungs, looking for people with really loud respiratory infections so we could hear what they sound like. He found 2 women who were sick, and compared their sounds by saying "She is wetter than you are."
Too easy, right?
I immediately burst into a bad case of the giggles and walked to the other side of the room. My teacher noticed, and came after me to see what I was laughing about (he is a VERY good sport). After denying any impropriety for a minute, I finally admitted what I was laughing about. He looked at me for a minute, then laughed and declared. "Oh, I'm gonna like you."
From then on in, I was "that" girl, the one that made the teacher laugh at the idea of comparing the wetness of 2 middle aged women.
I should probably be more mature than that, I shouldn't laugh at the same thing 7th grade boys do, but I can't help myself sometimes. (And before anyone sends hate emails or calls social services on me, NO, I do NOT say things like that in front of my kids.) People in this world make it WAY to easy to make fun of them, and I just want to be a contributing member of society. It's what we all want, isn't it? So this is my contribution. You don't like it? Go on the internet and complain.